[CROWD CHEERING]
- Here you go. - Thank you.
Hey, did you drink some of this?
Well, I didn't want it to spill.
- That's my little Debbie. - [LAUGHS]
Get in there, Laciter!
Debbie!
That's Palmavere.
Laciter's the winger.
Kick his ass, Palmavere!
[LAUGHS] That's my little Debbie.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Now that is what I call romantic.
I hope someone proposes to me on the Kiss-Cam one day.
I'm sure they will, honey.
I'm sure they will.
[CROWD CHEERING]
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 - - www.addic7ed.com -
♪ Still the King ♪
♪
Here you go.
Ooh!
Bacon, ham, sausage.
You hit all the meat all-stars.
What'd I do to deserve this?
Please, do you know how long it's been
since I've been to a hockey game?
And right up on the glass.
Vernon, I do not know what or who you had to do to get these,
but thank you.
Well, it's my pleasure.
I just thought you and Charlotte would really enjoy seeing me rock out
with my band in an arena like old times.
Except now it's during intermissions
while a hockey game is the main draw.
And you know what? Charlotte is with Mabel
making a homecoming float, so I'm gonna bring Ronnie.
I hope that's okay.
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
♪
No problemo.
You are a handsome and powerful man
who's uniquely skilled in the nautical and martial arts.
And any woman would be lucky to have you.
[SIGHS]
Deb... will you marry me?
Uh! Ah!
Come on, you ever heard of knocking?
Is that an engagement ring?
Maybe, maybe not.
You'll just have to find out at the game later
when I propose to Deb.
You're not using my ticket to propose to her.
Not your ticket.
My soon-to-be fiancée gave it to me.
'Cause tonight is gonna be perfect.
We'll see about that.
♪
Welcome to Tapits,
a temperature conscious dining experience.
Here are your meat thermometers.
Remember, if it's above 98, we pay for your date.
Oh, I actually don't need one.
I don't eat meat.
Okay. [CHUCKLES]
So you have to go home after this?
I was asking for a friend of mine.
Well, you can tell your friend that I was
actually thinking of staying at your place tonight.
Mm.
So, I have a few specials to tell you about.
Gazpacho, tuna tartar, steak tartar, a cheese plate.
And for dessert, lukewarm lava cake.
Please tell me you brought me here as a joke.
[LAUGHING]
Food temperature-related injuries are not a joke.
Sorry.
♪
MALE ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
seating in 15 minutes.
DEBBIE: [LAUGHING]
Come on, let's find our seats.
Yeah, let's... hey, Vern.
Have a great show, bud.
Oh, Val, you can put that over there, sir.
Oh, Mo, it's so heavy.
Well, it's made with real cast iron.
Mm, it's a good thing Val's so strong.
I would appreciate not being objectified
while I'm trying to work, Carmen.
[LAUGHS]
Is this sexy or what?
Now remember, this is just an exposure gig.
So play covers, no originals.
What do you mean no originals?
You can play some classic Burnin' Vernon originals.
But nothing after '92.
Only songs off your first record.
I was thinking my new love song I wrote for Debbie
might knock their socks off.
Oh, no, no, Vernon, you don't want
any of these people's socks to be coming off. Trust me.
Besides, you don't want to debut that new song here.
When do you recommend I debut it?
Oh, soon. Very soon.
But these things have to be finessed, man.
I think Vernon's trying to do some finessing of his own.
His baby mama's here, and he wrote it for her.
Oh, that's beautiful, man.
Now, remember, just play the old (bleep), okay?
Alright, okay.
Good show. Good show, everybody!
Nothing like the smell of beer, sweat, and ice.
It's gonna be a special night, Ronnie, I can feel it.
Yeah, it is. Oh, 118, that's us.
How 'bout you go ahead and get our seats,
I'll get us some hotdogs, some beer,
and maybe make a deposit at the pee bank.
Yeah, but not in that order.
Well, you know.
♪
- Hey. - Ah!
Oh.
Ronnie? How did you... what are you doing here?
We thought you blew up.
Yeah, I get that a lot.
What are you doing here?
Well, you know, we... got real jobs now.
Oh.
I see how it is. I get blown to bits, you just abandon the arts.
It was cool working for free in your girlfriend's basement,
but they pay us here.
And it's helped my self-esteem, so...
Yeah, and my mom's medical bills, which...
Ssh, sellouts.
Listen, I'm gonna propose to Debbie,
and I need it to be on the Jumbotron.
You do this, I'll get you back on the show.
♪
Waaah.
[LAUGHS]
Hey, buddy, take it easy!
Walt, hey.
[LAUGHING] What?
Did you think I was a real dog?
Idiot!
You're Daredevil Dachshund?
I can neither confirm nor deny.
He won a sweepstakes.
He gets to be the special guest mascot.
Babe, come on.
We mascots make a solemn vow to protect our civilian identities.
But you just revealed your identity to me.
And to those people.
Daddy, why is that man wearing
Daredevil Dachshund's skin?
Ah, that's horrible.
Come on.
What are you even doing here, Walt?
Well, we're the featured house band tonight.
- Really? - Yeah.
That's awesome.
Oh, yeah.
If you think playing in a band
is more awesome than dressing up like a sausage-shaped dog
and swinging from ropes at a sporting event.
Yah!
Well, I guess if you put it that way.
Whatever forever, Walt!
Double D.
Come on, man, photo-op time.
St. Agatha's Orphanage, let's go.
Uh, they're such losers.
No wonder their parents don't want 'em.
[IN CARTOON VOICE] Hi, kids.
- Right. I gotta go set up. - I wanna help.
- Really? - Yeah.
Okay, come on.
♪
[CROWD CHEERING]
♪
Penalty!
Oh, come on!
Crosschecking!
Grow some eyes, ref!
[CROWD CHEERS]
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
Come on, let's kick it, quick.
♪
♪ Bellbottoms were really cool ♪
Oh, yeah!
You freaking kidding me?
Oh, look, hon, Vernon's on the Jumbotron.
Do you see him, honey?
Yeah, yeah, that's great.
♪ I want my money back ♪
♪ My old Camaro and my 8-tracks ♪
♪ Fuzzy dice hanging loose and proud ♪
♪ ZZ Top, they're playing loud ♪
- What the hell was that? - Sorry, Mr. Ronnie.
The only way to guarantee to be on the Jumbotron
is if you're a hockey player or in the band or a mascot.
Or if you're famous, which,
let's be honest, I don't thinkenough people have actually
- seen your show to recognize... - Sshh.
Just get me on the damn Jumbotron.
♪
♪ Summertime, that's what I miss ♪
[CROWD CHEERING]
What's... what...
[CROWD CHEERING]
Ronnie!
Here we go, babe.
I want a T-shirt!
Over here!
[CROWD CHEERING]
♪
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
♪
Debbie Lynn Cook...
Oh, Ronnie, look, you got a T-shirt.
Yah, that's so awesome!
Bull's eye.
♪
BOTH: [LAUGHING]
You don't take advantage of me, Charlotte,
because I've had a few drinks.
Oh, I'm counting on it.
In fact, we should probably take this off.
That's better.
- Oh yeah? - Mm-hmm.
- Are you gonna join me? - Maybe, if I want to.
Mm.
[INDISTINCT MUMBLING]
Oh, shoot, I'm sorry.
- Let me just... - No.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, somebody's got big plans tonight.
No.
Don't flatter yourself.
[GIGGLES]
♪
What?
Okay, so I...
Either...
you've been lying to me about your age.
Or you're a time traveler from the state of Montana.
♪
♪ Hey good-looking ♪
Please say something.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I'm assuming you're not an uncover narc, hmm?
Like "21 Jump Street"?
- I don't know what that is. - Exactly.
You really are in high school.
- Please... - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
... talk about...
Who else knows about this?
Just Mabel, that's it. I promise.
Mabel? Yeah, right. What is she, 12?
Lloy, I'm... I'm really sorry.
I just... I really like you, and I got caught in this lie
from the beginning. And I just got scared that...
That I might be a little upset?
Yeah, it's kind of a big deal.
And I'm pretty sure it's illegal.
[DOG BARKING]
[SIGHS]
Yep, totally illegal.
[SIGHS]
Can't we just like... I don't know.
Hey.
I like you... a lot.
But we can't do this.
At least not for 18 months...
3 hours, and 12 minutes.
[SIGHS]
MASCOT: What's your name, little man?
BOY: JD.
JD, that's a cool name.
Hey, dog, listen up.
It's my lady's big dream to be proposed to on the Jumbotron.
But I'm having a bad time getting some screen time,
if you know what I mean.
Hello, I'm talking about making a dealio.
I take a stroll in your paws.
The old collar swap.
Hello?
Damn it, look, man, I just need to be Daredevil Dachshund
for like 20 minutes, capiche?
You listen up.
You listen up good.
When I dawned the pelt of Daredevil Dachshund,
I took an implied silent oath that I would protect
the integrity of the character and all he stood for.
I will not tarnish the legacy of all the mascots
that have gone before me.
Maybe you haven't met my old friend George Hamilton.
♪
There you are.
It's almost second intermission.
Time for your stunt.
Stunt?
I've been trying to get on the Jumbotron.
- What? - I'm trying to get on the Jumbotron.
Let's just get you strapped in.
♪
Ahhh!
Okay, as soon as the announcer finishes, you let 'em have it.
You guys might even get out like a whole half a song.
Really? It's amazing.
"Wouldn't Be Me" in G.
♪
♪ If I never see your smile again ♪
♪
♪ Never touch your ♪
- MALE ANNOUNCER: Alright, fans. - Are you kidding me?
ANNOUNCER: Turn your eyes to the sky.
This can't be happening now.
♪
Okay, Max jumps first.
When he lands, he unhooks, and then you go, Double D.
♪
It's go-time, Max.
Whoo!
♪
Alright, Double D, you all strapped in?
I'm not the real guy!
I'm Ronnie!
What was that?
I'm not the real guy, I'm Ronnie!
I can't understand you, buddy.
You know what?
Just tell me later.
ANNOUNCER: Daredevil Dachshund.
♪
[CROWD GASPS]
Uh!
ANNOUNCER: Just a slight malfunction.
Hang on, folks.
♪
Ah!
Ronnie?
Ronnie!
♪ ♪
Ronnie. Ronnie, look.
Baby, are you alright?
I'm a little dizzy.
- I could use some candy. - Sssh.
Grandma, do I have amnesia again?
ANNOUNCER: And he's okay!
[CROWD CHEERING]
Ronnie, look, do you see us? We're on the Jumbrotron?
- We are. - Yeah.
Debbie Lynn Cook...
Ronnie.
Except for that one moment on a boat we won't go into now,
you've been by my side through thick and thin,
high tide and low,
alive and presumed dead.
I know sometimes I work out too much.
[LAUGHS]
I get distracted by my karate goals.
You do.
But I'd be honored to be your first mate
on this love boat called life.
♪
Will you marry me?
♪
Yes.
Yes, Ronnie, I'll marry you.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
ANNOUNCER: She said yes.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Love is a smoke which is made from the fumes of signs.
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
♪
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
You okay, Vern?
Ha!
I never had a jealous bone in my damn body.
Never mentioned anything about being jealous.
Well, I'm gonna go make some poor decisions.
- Hey. - Hey.
I'm sorry about Reggie.
He's acting like a jerk.
You don't have to apologize for him.
He is sorry enough on his own.
Well, speaking of, I can't find him anywhere,
and he was my ride home.
I can give you a ride.
Are you sure you don't mind?
- No. - You do?
No, I mean, that... that I'm sure that I don't mind.
No, I'd like to give you a ride.
- You would? - Yeah.
- Okay. - Come on, let's go.
[LAUGHS]
[GASPS]
Don't do that.
I thought you were a spider.
Okay, well, I'm not a spider.
I was wondering if you wanted to go grab a drink with me?
Why? So you can scare me again?
Thanks, but no thanks.
Okay, well, let me know if you change your mind.
It's like dying of thirst while watching a man pour out
the last glass of water on Earth.
[ENGINE SHUTS OFF]
Maybe we can try and be friends?
Yeah.
Uh, I could wait for you to get out of school
near the parking lot.
Stop.
It wouldn't be creepy at all, trust me.
Okay, I'm being serious.
We can be friends.
But only for 18 months,
2 hours, and 33 minutes.
Then all bets are off.
Okay, deal.
Deal.
♪
Thirty-two minutes.
Bye, Lloy Danderson.
♪
Hey, honey.
You okay?
Uh, I'm not sure.
You okay?
I'm not sure either.
I got a feeling we're both sad about the same thing though.
[LAUGHING] God I hope not.
Are you upset because Ronnie proposed to your mama tonight?
What?
He did?
Yeah.
On the Jumbotron.
Wow.
So... what are you sad about?
[CHUCKLES]
You ever get caught pretending to be someone you're not?
Uh-huh, fake preacher.
[LAUGHING]
[SIGHS] College student.
Let me guess. Older boy?
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Lloy Danderson.
Lloyd?
No, no, Lloy Danderson.
It's stupid.
It's a messed up name.
[LAUGHING]
♪
So... does this mean you still have feelings for mom?
Can you keep a secret?
You're talking to a girl who's been living a double life
the past couple of months.
Yeah, well, then... yeah, I guess so.
♪
♪ ♪
♪ I want my money back ♪
♪
MAN: And he's okay!
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 - - www.addic7ed.com -
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Last time on "Still The King"...
Will you finally admit you're jealous of Ronnie?
I told you, baby, I just ain't the jealous type.
What are you talking about, Courtney?
I told you, man, I wrote this song.
It's real personal to me.
Trying to make you the biggest star in the world.
What do you say we hit the bar down the street?
We're actually 16...
Sixteen minutes late to college stuff.
I'm sorry, Charlotte,
I just... I don't think tonight's our night.
Reggie, what are you doing here?
We agreed that we were on a break.
God, I miss game night.
You hated game night!
That was back before I needed to impress you.